I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
that's an acceptable place to lick
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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