erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
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I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
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That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
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