is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
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