i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
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