Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
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