i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
