How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
