do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
