TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize
