Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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