I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
