he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Randomize
