I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
