Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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