He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Randomize
