R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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