I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Randomize
