I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
