i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
sex in a hospital.. check
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
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