Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
