i would punch a child for taco bell
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
