So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
