I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Randomize
