um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
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Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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