well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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