Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
