as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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