My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
