what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
