Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
