So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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