Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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