Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
