went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Randomize
