I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
