Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
