So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Randomize
