so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize