Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Also, beer. Big fan.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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