well most of my day revolves around power hour
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I just gargled with NyQuil
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
