I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize