I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
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