what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
