The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
