Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
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