I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
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