a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
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