i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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