I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
