I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
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