you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Randomize
