omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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