im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
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