Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
ugly people sure do ruin things
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
