I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Randomize
