3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
