she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
