Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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