Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
