just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I want to fling myself into the sun
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
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