Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
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