he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Just cropdusted the office
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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