I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
