I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Randomize
