I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Randomize
