I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
