It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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