I bet he comes in French.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
