Pappa wants mamma naked
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
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