We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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