I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
sarcasm needs its own font
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
