I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
