Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Mom said you looked used
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Congratulations! We have a period
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