couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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