oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize
