im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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