found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
i now understand why vodka
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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