I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
