mondays should just be called national damage control day
You're like the curious george of whores
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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