Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
