YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
