i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
I'm really busy with my period
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