Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
